{"id":43816,"date":"2025-10-17T16:40:33","date_gmt":"2025-10-17T07:40:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shomei-tanteidan.org\/?p=43816"},"modified":"2025-10-17T16:40:35","modified_gmt":"2025-10-17T07:40:35","slug":"coffeebreak-082","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shomei-tanteidan.org\/en\/coffeebreak-082\/","title":{"rendered":"Vol.082 – Relationships and Social Boundary Design"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Interviewer: Momoe Nomura<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Nomura\uff1a<\/strong> When I was in grade school I was deeply hurt and had a painful experience while interacting with other people.\u00a0 I was given a hurtful nickname, others made fun of my home situation, and things were thrown at me during class.\u00a0 I didn`t have the means to protect myself, so naturally I withdrew from people altogether.\u00a0 As a result, I have a hard time finding the words to communicate my feelings and relationships with people became even scarier.\u00a0 This continued for quite a while.\u00a0
Now, as an adult I still don`t feel comfortable getting too close to people, but having no interaction is also very lonely.\u00a0 Trying to find or create this in-between zone has been a challenge that is still with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mende\uff1a<\/strong>\u00a0I see.\u00a0 Relationships and creating boundaries, this might be an important theme throughout the course of life.\u00a0 When I sit down and open up with another person, I usually prefer sitting at an angle instead of face to face.\u00a0 Continual eye contact gets uncomfortable if you don\u2019t have somewhere else to focus on from time to time.\u00a0 Sitting at an angle I feel a little more at ease.\u00a0\u00a0 Having somewhere else to focus on also creates a natural rhythm in the conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Nomura\uff1a<\/strong><\/strong>Yes, I like to sit at an angle too.\u00a0 I don’t like sitting face to face because the other person will just be staring at my face, and I am insecure about my looks.\u00a0 This complex feels especially stressful when meeting someone in person so I feel more comfortable sitting at an angle.
Right now I am on a diet and playing around with makeup techniques so I can feel a little more confident about myself.\u00a0 Face to face meetings are not quite as scary.\u00a0 I feel like the distance I have created between myself and others is decreasing and I am beginning to open up.\u00a0 But it still takes time for a really close relationship to develop.\u00a0 I think this might be because I am an only child.\u00a0
Do you have any siblings?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mende\uff1a<\/strong>\u00a0Yes, I am one of three brothers.\u00a0 The middle child.\u00a0 I was always caught in between, so naturally I took on a role to keep things balanced and in harmony.\u00a0\u00a0 I was the mediator between my older and younger brother, reducing friction and such.\u00a0 My mom always said I wasn’t much trouble when I was a child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nomura\uff1a<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong>I am an only child so I have no experience fighting with brothers and sisters.\u00a0 As a result I had fewer opportunities to interact with other people.\u00a0 One naturally absorbs how to deal with people through the process of\u00a0 brothers and sisters fighting and then making up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mende\uff1a<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yes, maybe so.\u00a0\u00a0 Brothers and sisters are around you everyday so you learn how to find the right distance to deal with people.\u00a0\u00a0 After fighting you go your separate ways to cool off, but are close again to play together.\u00a0 This repetition happens daily, so techniques to adjust boundaries are learned at home.\u3000An only child doesn\u2019t have to compete for their parents attention, but there are disadvantages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nomura\uff1a<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong>Yes,\u00a0 I didn’t have those experiences, so it takes me more time to figure out personal space and boundaries.\u00a0\u00a0 If I get too close it wears me out, but too much space creates isolation.\u00a0 It seems like I am continually searching for the perfect balance in between.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Mende\uff1a<\/strong>This might be a life-long theme for you.\u00a0 But because you are conscious of the distance between you and others, you will take the time to figure out how to create just the right amount of space and emotional support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nomura\uff1a<\/strong><\/strong>Maybe so.\u00a0 Because of my bad experience, I might be more sensitive to how to create the boundaries needed.\u00a0 I am thinking this might not be all bad, but hints for getting emotionally close to someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mende\uff1a<\/strong>\u00a0Relationship boundaries and personal space are huge issues for all of us and it changes over the years and with experience.\u00a0 Searching for just the right balance is maybe just part of living.\u00a0 The solution is to interact with all sorts of people.\u00a0 As a designer, in this profession we work with many, many different people.\u00a0 So it might be helpful for you to work through some of these issues.\u00a0\u00a0 Experiment, challenge yourself, and continue to improve yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nomura\uff1a<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong> Because of my early childhood experiences, I now am able to really think about and contemplate social boundaries.\u00a0\u00a0 I hope to enjoy more life-long interaction with people.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Interviewer: Momoe Nomura Nomura\uff1a When I was in grade school I was deeply hurt and had a painful experience while interacting with other people.\u00a0 I was given a hurtful nickname, others made fun of my home situation, and things were thrown a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":43618,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_locale":"en_US","_original_post":"http:\/\/shomei-tanteidan.org\/?p=43615","footnotes":""},"categories":[5,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43816","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coffeebreak","category-note","en-US"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nVol.082 - Relationships and Social Boundary Design - \u7167\u660e\u63a2\u5075\u56e3.<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/shomei-tanteidan.org\/en\/coffeebreak-082\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Vol.082 - 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